Eulogy for Grampa

This is the eulogy that I read at my Grampa's funeral 2/1/2007.

Who is my grandpa?  How do I even begin to answer that question?  There’s so much to say that we would all be here for a few years if I did.  I’ve watched the 60^th birthday tape so many times that I feel like those anecdotes are my own.  I find myself wishing I had known that young man.  He must have been a dreamer like me.  I can see it in his eyes.  I can hear it in the way he talks.  I wish I could see everything he sees.  Will I ever know as much as he knows?  I don’t know if it’s possible.  Grandpa always knew everything about everything, or so it seemed.  How many millions of dollars does he owe me from his million dollar questions?  He’s give me something far greater than money though, he gave me himself.  I wish that everyone had the chance to get to know someone like my grandpa: someone who wanted to learn for the sake of learning, someone who gave so much more than he took, someone who would have faith in you even if no one else would.  He was an adult who was never afraid to have a serious conversation with a kid.  At the age of eleven, I remember discussing energy options with him, fossil fuels vs. nuclear power.  I remember my parents telling me later that Grandpa was impressed with my discussion, with the way I talked to adults.  Sure, grandparents are always proud of their grandchildren, but that meant something to me.  Grandpa wasn’t just proud, he was impressed.  I was walking on air, grandpa was impressed with me.  And still, more than 8 years later, I still remember that day. 

I remember all the stories he told me.  Sure, maybe they got better with age, but I treasured every one of them.  When Grandpa came to visit, I would pick his brain for new stories that perhaps he had remembered since last time or just ask him to tell me an old favorite.  I got to relive his childhood with him as he told me about stealing watermelons in the field and meeting Grandma for the first time.  I heard about young love and the early years of marriage.  Those were my favorite, he always got this look in his eyes, a special gleam.  Sometimes stories about Grandma dousing him in orange juice or asking him to bring her her purse so he brought down an armload because he didn’t know which one she wanted, were hard for him to get through because he would start laughing so hard.  You could see Grandma just roll her eyes.  Perhaps he was exaggerating, but did it really matter?  I heard stories about him as a father, how he taught kids to drive on Sundays in the library parking lot while wearing a football helmet for safety.  Every story made me want to be there, to have the same memories.  And in a way I guess you could say that I do.  I hold some of those memories inside of me now.  I only wish that I could remember them all and tell them just the way that Grandpa did.  I could have spent hours at that little breakfast table in the cottage.  Somehow, spending time with Grandpa wasn’t like spending time with other adults.  He was Grandpa, that’s the best way to put it.  He was there when you scraped your knee, he was there to join your circus parade.  He had a direct line to the Easter Beagle who miraculously showed up every time the cousins were together. He was an acclaimed linguist, constantly making up words like Reedabeed, achtung, and of course calling his granddaughters Flower Girl.  He had a special connection with an old Indian Chief up in Lake City who advised him on the best place to find Indian Arrowheads.  It wasn’t until years later when we all realized he had dropped them there and helped us find them.  But the hunt will always continue as I occasionally stumble across some of them in my drawer.  He was the photographer, the counselor, the cheerleader, the coach, the playmate and so much more. 

I think Grandpas have a special place in every child’s heart and mine was filled to the brim.  Despite the countless times we rolled him off the couch as he pretended to sleep, despite me becoming a republican, despite all my imperfections, I always knew that Grandpa loved me with all his heart and that nothing could every change that.  I knew that no matter what happened, I would always have grandpa to back me up.  When I decided to go to Tajikistan, many people told me how wrong I was, how it was too dangerous, or how it was just the wrong time.  But that blustery April day, I had returned a call from Grandma and she said that Grandpa wanted to talk to me.  He got on the phone and said something that I don’t think I will ever forget.  He said, “I trust you Dianne.”  That was it but it is something that will remain with me forever.  The whole trip, I just remembered that Grandpa trusted me, that he knew I would do the right thing.  I have always known my Grandpa was a religious man.  I began to see that shine through him at the time of my Confirmation.  But in that moment I understood it.  I understood how my Grandpa knew God and how he saw God working through me.  He knew that God would guide me and protect me, even in a place so difficult and so far away from home.  I wish I could I remember every story, every moment with Grandpa, but I can’t. 

I remember in fourth grade, we studied owls and had to memorize and recite a poem for the class.  Everyone tore through books, looking for the short, easy poems.  But I knew Grandpa wrote poetry.  So my Grandpa wrote me my own poem and at the age of ten, I stood there beaming in front of my class, and recited a poem four times the length of any of my classmates, using words like “ornithological” and “pursuers,” pretty big words for that age.  In fifth grade we had a literary letter project.  Everyone had to read a book and write letters to someone, a friend or family member about it.  Most people wrote to a mom or dad but in those early days of email, I wanted to write to Grandpa.  I still have those letters tucked away in my special box, with comments from my teacher about how great it was to be able to do this with my grandfather.  It was great, I am glad I got to share that with him.  I shared my education with him, from my very first book I wrote, complete with illustrations, to my college papers where I have really begun to think about my world.  I could attribute my growth and learning to so many things, but Grandpa was a major factor.  He was always proud, I always did well, and no matter what, I was always his granddaughter.  He always tells me that I’m in college not to learn, but to learn how to learn.  It’s just one of those phrases that Grandpa says and the first time you just say, “OK, whatever Grandpa,” and walk away thinking nothing of it.  But then one day it hits you, he was right.  College isn’t so much about what you learn inside those four walls but what you learn about life and preparing to learn for the rest of your life.  Grandpa always taught me compassion.  He taught me to love people and to care about people.  He taught me to see the world through the eyes of my heart. I love you Grampa.

SO CLOSE!!!

Oh my gosh...I can't believe that in just over 72 hours I will begin the adventure of a lifetime!

It will be one of those trips I know will change me. I know it will be something I remember for the rest of my life. I will laugh, I may even cry, I'll pray, and I will question. But above all, I know that I am doing God's will.

I have never been so sure about anything in my entire life. I am such a doubting person, but this just seems right. Despite everything that my family and others have done to discourage me, I know this is where I am going. Thank God for my Grandpa who spoke God's word to me. I didn't think I would have an RPM topic, but then all this hit me. About following God's will. About doubting and being scared or turning away, but eventually knowing what is right and going with it.

My grandpa, the only person that I would have accepted being selfish. If he had asked me to stay, I probably would have. But he called me up that day and said, "Dianne, I trust you." Of all the people that I have lost respect for on this journey, my respect for him has grown tremendously. He could die while I'm gone. He could have been selfish and said, I want you here, I want to know that you're safe, I want you near just in case. But he never said that. I know that if his time comes and I'm not here, he will die being proud of me. I think thats better than anything I could do standing by his side.

It's so close now. It's really happening. It's actually real! It's not just some outlandish dream anymore. I am going to do this. Wow...who would have thought that I would be where I am today! God does work in amazing ways!

I found my heart in KD

There are those moments in life when you know that you belong, that you know you made the right decision, that you know that you are loved, that you know that everything is right in the world, even if just for that one moment.

Today...I had that moment. Today, I knew, 100% for sure that Kappa Delta was my home, that it was my life. I know that I was destined to be a Kappa Delta and I don't think I could put on Letters without thinking of all those amazing women that I had to say goodbye to today. It's sad to see that this semester ended so quickly and that I didn't get to know the seniors as well as I would have liked to.

"Don't cry because its over; smile because it happened."

I'm smiling now, partly because I don't cry but mainly, because I am a Kappa Delta and I am proud. No matter what life throws my way, I am a Kappa Delta and no one can ever take that from me. I want to tell the whole world, I want to shout it from every mountain top: I AM A KAPPA DELTA!!!

I hope one day I can be half of what those women are. And I wish that everyone could have this feeling now. I know that I belong in this world, in this life, and I know that I belong in Kappa Delta.

It is moments like these that make all the crap worth it.

Now I just have to figure out a way to take some letters to Tajikistan...I feel a lavalier or something is needed. Because it is the love of my sisterhood that will keep me going.

Who else would always be there through thick and thin? Who else would give me random awards? Who else would give up sleep and valuable study time to give me the best birthday in the world? Who else but my sisters?

I hope that Lisa, whatever school she decides on, chooses to be a Kappa Delta one day because I wish that I could share all this with her.

May all of you one day understand this love...but as one of the shirts I was willed today says "From the outside looking in, you can never understand it. From the inside looking out, you can never explain it."

Currently Listening MMHMM By Relient K Who I Am Hates Who I've Been see related

This is no way to try and live my life.

That lyric just changed my life...Relient K is my hero. I mean the song is all about how I fucked up my life...but that line...that line freed me. I'm done now. Done being pushed around. Done being told what to do. Done being torn apart emotionally. Done. I have to make this feeling last now. I am done. I can't do one more day like this. I'll go home this summer, because, well I have to. I don't know what I'll do after that, play it by ear I suppose, theres not much else that I can do. I don't know what will happen with tuition or anything. I don't know where I will stay on breaks, but it won't be there. I am done watching them steal away every ounce of my happiness in one second. Done, finished, I can't do it anymore. For me I have to walk away. They think that they can walk all over me, they can't...not anymore. I'm not a little kid. I'm not their bitch that will just take it all. I am done. I wash my hands of that family.

I

AM

DONE!!!!!

This is just another day in the liberation of Dianne. But come August, thats it. After August, I don't know when the next time I'll see my home town will be or all my friends. It will hurt, but not nearly as much as this relationship does.

AHHHH!!!!